Friday 22 June 2007

WHO ARE YOU.. WHO, WHO, OO, OO?






Someone once said I looked like Bruce Willis ( I'd heard this before when thinner) but I don't know if I ever saw this. I think I look like a young Saun Connery, but realistically I think I could get away with pretending to be Dara O'Brian.

You decide. There's a photo of each of us.

HO HUMM.

No interesting work stuff to report. Am pissed off with midwifes who think that it's fun to call 999 for a 32/40 pregnancy because their on a half day. Then again I am a grumpy old man these days. I'm sure the fact that she blatantly lied to the hospital to justify this makes her feel good. The whole crash team was waiting on us when we trundled up with this healthy 19 YO. No bleeding, no pravia, no hypertension, no tachycardia. I think she gave us the wrong girl, not that she bothered to provide a handover or a letter. Should be struck off.

Good news is that I've organised my physical for the OZ application. Not for a couple of weeks and the closest centre is a 4 hour drive away. Still, gives me time to cut out the fags and practice carrying things up and down stairs. Hope I can manage it!! The stopping smoking bit is not that bad.

Sunday 17 June 2007

WILLINGLY GIVEN .... ?

My Granny called it the "sight", some call it the "gift", some call it precognition. I call it bloody predictable. The price was paid and I must say it was particularly painful.

Some people I have learnt to hate over the years and last night kicked off by three of these folk in a row. None of these people had anything wrong with them and being well known to us everyone involved knew this, especially them. All were pissed and would walk out of the hospital before we had finished booking them in, as usual. All wanted a wee trip up the road for whatever reason that springs into their rotten, Ferrel heads. Eight minutes (8) was the longest any were prepared to wait before getting a taxi home. Ho Hum. Who am I to suggest that these things should be charged for abusing the service? Give them a lift I always will.

A few more drunks and a couple of quite sad psychiatric jobs. A change of blood soaked uniform and here I am at home.

Predictable? It never fails.

Saturday 16 June 2007

THE EYE OF SUSPICION.

It was a Friday night shift. The rain came down in sheets and the wind blew hard. Rivers had burst their banks. Generally it was pretty shitty.

The most worrying thing for all members of the A&E system was that it was scarily quiet. This is not good. You cant relax, something is wrong. Now if I was not at work I'd be staying in and watching Friday Night With Jonathon Ross but our normal customer considers inclement weather no hindrance to getting pissed, having a fight and throwing up on me. They may decide to ware a long sleeved t-shirt but that's about it.

Nights like this make you uneasy because you know you'll pay the price at some point. Nurses and Ambo's pace about, bighting finger nails, waiting on the next job and it just did not arrive. You expect the call to an 8 car RTC, buss crash, fire at an old folks home. Something! It's written in the stars, Carma, kismet - call it what you like but we all know that by the end of shift on Sunday morning we'll of given our pound of flesh.

Knowing this I now have to try and get to sleep but , you know, I'm scared of what will come.

Tuesday 12 June 2007

2012


I was catching up on the world of Blogs and red a comment on Frank Chalks site that got me googling. The comment was absolutely right and it made me laugh.

Now I must say that I approve of the message and would encourage all over the age of consent to indulge in this new Olympic event. Get training and perfect your technique. I'm available to train any women looking to participate, even in an armature capacity.

A man on the left and a woman on the right. Can you see it yet?

Monday 11 June 2007

THE FOURTH DAY.


Four day shifts over the weekend and what has it held? Well, a little bit of everything. I can be a bit of a pain in the ass at times to people that know me and have been grumpy over the last few weeks anyway. I wasn't looking forward to this long weekend of being at the mill but this is what I did.

We got a job to a 56 YOM (Year Old Male) with chest pain and unable to use his legs. On arrival he was in the bog, walking just fine and had no chest pain. It turned out he was a frequent flier and insisted on being taken to his appointment at the dermatologist which was in two hours time. I told him to fuck off. Now this is not service policy but really! What do I care about this creature, selfish git.

Drunk at a pub. Well I get drunk at pubs, I ,generally, am able to walk at 1400 hours and have never called anyone a C*** for trying to see if they are ok. Let this pass but when told to F*** off was glad to see him get lifted for breach. Pissed wanker!

26 YOM methadone user who was found lethargic by mum. Had not taken methadone for 3 days but there was none left in the bottle. Hmmm? OK he was stoned out his tits and mum was worried and he needed monitoring in-case he went flat but he was playing on it. "Legs don't work" yeh, right. Grow up.

22 YOM assault. This happened 4 weeks ago. Had a sore knee. This knee was in plaster but he cut this off because it was itching. Didn't want to go to hospital because he was out his head on a cocktail of heroin and booze so there we go. His uncle did ask my partner ( a female) for a wank as he liked the latex gloves. What can I say? Really, what? He deserves to be shot. Tosser.

65 YOF having am MI (heart attack). ECG, pin in the arm, aspirin (this is the most important thing if someone is having an MI. If mum or dad gets bad chest pain drop in a 300mg aspirin ASAP). Not thrombolisable so batter into A&E.

A number off lovely old folk with ongoing heart problems who didn't want to be a bother but should of been earlier. Call us! We are there for you, not your pissed grandson.

The grumpiest man in the world. A guy who drank 10 litres of cider a day for 20 years suddenly decided to give up without GP advice. He also decided to come off the Valium at the same time. We arrived after a 20 minute trip just as he stopped seizing. Did not look like a seizure patient (ambos will know what I mean) more TIA or even cardiac. Basically he looked very ill. Anyway, after everything we could do in five minutes (which was just about everything - when in a hurry it don't take long) he was telling us to get to "F" which was, according to his wife, his good old normal self. Signed the form and told us that we were wasting our time as he was "fucking OK." Hopefully his wife will get him to his GP if he's not in hospital by now. The seizure lasted about 10 - 15 minutes, a very, very, very long time. Still we can't kidnap people so I hope he knows best.

34 YOF taken an overdose. Eyes role and looks of disbelief pass between the ambulance crew. This may sound unsympathetic but the reality is that very few OD's actually ever take the pills they say. Anyway, I felt for this woman after a wee chat. I think it was post natal stuff but she had also lost her dad and grand-dad within the last 5 months. Not a good spot. In reality she was a bit of a pain in the ass but I hope it all works out and that shes OK.

The first job today was to a miscarriage. Normally these are to threatened or inevitable miscarriages. This is where it may prove to be or is going to be a miscarriage. Today it was to a miscarriage. 21 YOF who was being treated for a urine infection. Went to the toilet at 0730 and lost her child. From my perspective I hate these jobs. I don't know what to say, or even if there is anything you can say. I hate having to pick a 19 week old foetus out a toilet and try not to vomit and cry at the same time. I hate the angst, stress, confusion and melancholy that this brings on me. Most of all I hate the fact that I cant do anything to make things better, I cant help. I cant do anything but feel sad and know that what I feel is nothing compared to the loss of the mother. I took five minutes in private to shed a tear, I guess she will be crying for much longer. I only wish that I could let her know that my silence was because I do care. I can't begin to comprehend the loss.

The next job was to a 19 YOM with a 2 week history of having a sore shoulder. I wanted to break his fucking arm!!!!

Wednesday 6 June 2007

SPARE TIME.

Board again really. I've been on a week off, following a week of night shift. As mentioned somewhere previously, it always take a few days to get over the jet-lag. Anyway I've not done much, the plan was to head off for a couple of days but that went tits up so was left here looking for mischief.

Found no mischief at all. Quite disappointing. Had a funeral to go to on Tues and helping a friend move house on Thurs. Out for a meal with an old friend tonight so I guess that I should feel like the weeks been full. It's not.

Been banging my head off the walls for the last few days and smoking for Europe.

The big news is that I've sent off my application for a job in OZ. Wish me luck - though it's running away from this life I may even find someone "special" over there. I like the Antipodes and seem to function better over there. I hope it all goes to plan as, in reality, I've had it with the NHS and this PC led country.

Saturday 2 June 2007

THAT SMELL!


















I was talking with my partner the other day about death.

Now this may seem a strange thing to those that don't deal with it but the reality is that it's like discussing the weather after a while to those that do. It's not that you stop feeling nor that you stop caring. It's certainly not that you don't feel the loss of those around you. If I get to that point I leave and become a traffic warden.

I remember everything about my first arrest. The name, face, location even what was in the shopping trolley. I remember the thump, the shocks, the conversation I had with a dead man, willing him back to life. Unusually we got a return of spontaneous pulse giving his family time to say good bye. I will never forget this, any of it; ever.

After a while though it changes. I hope I never forget that someone has died nor that those that survive are hurting and that I will always empathise with their pain. I no longer know how many people I have been to that have died though. How they died and where they died does not stay in my memory. It may be dozens or even hundreds, I really don't know. I still feel uncomfortable having to break this news and hope that this is a sign that I retain a basic human decency despite what I do for a living.

How has this changed me? Well, I see the mortality in everyone I know and meet. I assess the likely-hood of a heart attack or stroke, the chances of cancer - how they are likely to go. This is all done on a sub-conscious level but it is there and I'm aware of it. I expect my father to have a huge stroke, my mother to succumb to cancer and my sister to meet an untimely death at her own hands. Me, it's COPD and cancer. I don't expect any surprises.

Does this make me more passionate about things, overly keen to meet life head on and more susceptible to fits of anger about what I find unjust? Dammed right it does.

The outcome of this.... we all, as Ambos, carry the feint smell of death around with us. People know, normal people know, what we do. I think that while they all are amazed that we do what we do the very fact that they "couldn't do our job" says more than they think. We deal with the dirty, the sick, the maimed and the dead. It's a fantastic job when we do what we are trained to do but it leaves a mark and it's not always comfortable.

Friday 1 June 2007

ACUTE, SUDDEN ONSET.

999 call to 38 YOM, depressed, feeling unwell.

On arrival the man was slumped in a chair, pale, glazed eyes. Said he was afraid that there were strange things going on and that the henna he had pit in his hair may of had some strange effect. All through this his eyes were distant.


He wanted to go to hospital and who am I to refuse. Even after trying to explain the effects of smoking hash he wanted hospital treatment.

In my day it was called a whitie and cured with coffee.

So there you have it. Acute sudden onset of sadness. The handover was fun at the hospital.